haha. i knowww. i very fickle. heh.

anyway, i noticed jingxuan linked me! HEHE. so sorry jx, and whoever has linked me, pls change the link back to jangster! =) 

and go back to jangster TODAY and help me decide if i shld cut bangs. HAHA. love and miss y’all. feels not too bad to be back on social media. =D

been very tied up with sch work and cell and drama stuff. the past four days was crazy. felt pretty sick yesterday. but sticking to my principles of not seeing doc or taking medication till my sickness has become full blown, i’ll just drink more water and attempt to get more proper rest. 

thankfully, the hole is healing pretty well. went for my final change of dressing yesterday. still hurts when cleaning but the hole should hopefully be covered with skin in a week or two’s time. 

somehow, i gotta admit that some things in life has left me in, for the lack of a better way of expression, in a state of dissatisfaction. and no matter how happy i say i am, the fact is i can always be happier bcos something is still missing. i guess, no amount of planning on my part can come to any form of fruition unless some form of divine intervention takes place. maybe i gotta be more like mariah carey and whitney houston. like you know believe in miracles. haha. 

i was just thinking of proclaiming that i love watching movies. but then again, is there actually anybody who doesn’t like to watch movies? besides the financial implications, i can think of little reason for any busy singaporean to not like to watch movies. been waiting for 500 Days of Summer to come out since like march. finally it’s here. can’t wait to watch it. i’ve got alot more to say about that movie, but i guess, it belongs to a category of things that you’d love to blog about and have people know about but yet you have this sour feeling about it of some kind of apprehension and melancholy that you just give up blogging after several drafts. back to the point, also, being strongly influenced by pits, i too wanna catch The September Issue. thinking if i shld catch it tonight since it is the last day of the week and i have no concrete plans yet. sigh, wish my resolve in saving money is stronger. but seriously, i HAVE to watch these movies! 

ah. i don’t know. i can’t seem to blog well these days. like, i don’t feel good about what i write. =(  don’t like this feeling. we’ll see how long this post last on cyberspace.

on a side note, i went to clean my gaping hole today. i thought it was gonna be great bcos like yay new dressing i can feel cleaner. BUT I TELL YOU, it is super pain. =(   the wound is still very raw and doc had to like test the depth of the hole again and at the same time clean the wound. and mind you this time without anesthesia. i was moaning and groaning in pain. i don’t think i’ve felt so much physical pain in my life before. this stick something into your raw flesh thing is no joke. the whole episode in the clinic this morning, the pain and seeing the wound just kinda killed my appetite for the entire day. but i’m given 3 types of antibiotics which doc instructed i HAVE TO eat three times a day which means i have to take 3 meals a day. so now i have a packet of shao rou fan sitting in front of me since one hour ago but i really don’t feel like eating and i don’t like to force myself to eat but i have to. terrible pukey plus headachy feeling. you can tell this post is quite whiny. the things i do when i have a headache.

i just went for the first “operation” of my life! just a minor procedure involving a scalpel, a doctor and my body. 

i was quite excited at first knowing that i had to be cut. but i tell you, after the whole experience, i was just telling leila, i will never ever wish such a thing upon myself ever again! 

*flashback
sun 27sep @ changi T3 foodcourt while showing leila the infected area
me: i hope there is something inside then need to let doc dig out kind. cos i like this kind of pain. heh.
leila: eeek. sheila, so disturbing!

and so, indeed, it happened. let me just explain how the infection came about.

on fri i discovered a pimple like thing on the right side of my waist.  so having itchy fingers, i went to try to squeeze out the pus. But after several attempts, i kinda scrap of some skin but the pus nv come out. 
on sat i tried to squeeze out the pus again, but same thing. some blood came out but there is this yellow dot in the middle of the wound that just doesn’t wanna move.
then on sunday, the pimple like thing grew slightly bigger. like pop out of my body kind of big not surface area kind of big.
on monday, it became like a volcano of a pimple. then like the surrounding area was all red and swollen and it was very painful when i touched that area.
by tues it became like this:

volcano pimple

okie the image abit u can’t tell what is what. yes that is the side of my tiny waist. as you can see, there is like red red swelling surrounding the “pimple”.

as high a threshold for pain i thought i had, yesterday when my shoulder bag hit the volcano i really couldn’t bear the pain. and when i toss and turn and hit the right side of my body in my sleep i get woken up by the pain also. so this morning my very concerned parents forced me to see the doc. 

i stepped in showed doc the volcano and doc said, “it’s an infected boil, let’s cut it up!”. I guess for a GP, this must be quite a fun activity. heh. 
i laid down on the “operating table”, he called the MeeCee (hokkien slang for nurse) in. when nurse saw my volcano she gave a disgusted look which was weirdly comforting when you’re lying waiting to be cut. doc say he’ll have to give me some anesthesia.  it was so pain la when he injected. cos to start with the volcano is alrdy giving me pain. then when the numbness set in i decided i want to see myself being cut. so i turn my head to see but he alrdy cut me up. so i saw this 5cent coin size hole on my body with ALOT ALOT of blood coming out of it. scary like siao. then he went on to like use this metal stick thing and like put it inside the hole to test how deep is the wound and to dig out the pus. and he kept commenting it is very deep. and indeed, that stick went into my body and came out i think it was like 3-4 cm lor. but the scary thing is i saw ABIT of like yellowish pus la but ALOT ALOT of blood can. then he tried to test how deep until at one point it was SO PAIN, then he was like sorry sorry. then after that he told nurse to take cotton bud and dip in hydrogen peroxide. then he clean the blood from the wound and like touch the cotton bud to it and one word from my secondary chemistry lab lesson came to me “EFFERVESCENCE”! there was this reaction that took place on my body. like don’t know what liquid la, my blood mixed pus mixed with the hydrogen peroxide or wat started like bubbling and foaming. wonders of science really. 

after that the pain got really bad cos i think the anesthesia effect is fading. then i turned to one side to let out a groan while doc and nurse went on to pour iodine into the wound. then they dressed up the wound and the operation was over.

dressed up wound

then doc gave some instructions and told me to come back on fri to redress the wound. i started to get really paranoid. cos i can feel the wound despite it being dressed up nicely and neatly. and like i was thinking the hole is so big got so much blood just now, just put the gauze dressing all that enough meh. doc joked that i might be suffering from post trauma stress. then i left the room to go outside and wait for my medication. 

while outside i knew something wasn’t right alrdy. some of you close friends would remb 2 years ago i fainted on the train right. i had that same exact feeling. i was like short of breath and i could feel myself cold sweating and my hands and feet felt very cold. i tried to signal to nurse but her back was facing me cos she was preparing the medicine. so i put my head between my legs to let blood to go my brain before i black out. i felt slightly better but still cold sweating. then when nurse turn around to ask me come take my medicine i walked up and leaned again the counter obviously not well. nurse was like “wah 你的嘴唇很白 leh” and ask me quicky go lie down. so she open this mini room (i tell you the clinic is very small but not bad got alot of facilities haha), with a bed (similar to the operating table i was at in the doc’s room). i then called my dad to come fetch me home (clinic is at the bottom of my block). doc came out and asked me if i okie. i told him maybe cos i nv eat breakfast plus see and lost so much blood so nearly faint. he was like “AIYO.” and rushed back to his room. came out with a packet of milo and made me drink it while he took my blood pressure. BP was normal. 

dad came down and got a shocked seeing me lying on the bed in the mini room that nobody knew existed. cos i didn’t tell him why i ask him to come down, and he thought i not enough money. so i explain to him everything, doc also came and talk to him. then after that dad was telling me how i used to have breakfast everyday but now sleep so late everyday also don’t eat breakfast. which kinda made me realise yah i need to get back a healthy lifestyle. abit funny la supposed to be only a boil but like implicate until my whole lifestyle is problematic. haha

so now i’m at home cos my parents forbid me from going out. had planned to go out to study actually. but i guess i’ll have to do that at home. anyhows, i’m STILL gonna go out at night later for something that’s majorly exciting that i shall not reveal yet. must pray for a good outcome for what’s happening tonight. and pray that the hole will heal and the scar won’t be too big.

i didn’t know i could cry when i’m happy, not until this year. okie maybe one other incident in sec 2 when melissa and double j surprised me on my birthday. that day i also cried i think. 

it isn’t very good to be all EMO-y. that we all know. and it is should be the goal of every emo person to stop emo-ing. like seriously. haha. tell yourself LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL. ah ha, then soak up some sunlight, take a deep breath of fresh air, stretch a little, then put a smile on your face. these work for me. =D 

anyhow, i’ve grown unashamed to cry at birthday parties (not my own), at weddings (duh not my own) and watever random occasions where my tears are not needed nor expected. haha. i’m just like that lor. quietly being touched by the things that goes on around me.  

circumstances might change or get difficult/tough. people might hurt you. but no matter what happens or how somebody treats you, you should still be yourself. other people’s behavior don’t dictate my behavior. i am still sheilajang. i still like purple. i still cry at random moments. i still have square jaws. i still like potato and bread. i still many things. amongst the many things, yes i still. 

well, someday we’ll see. but for now, i’ll go on being me. |=D

to all NTU students out there, we’ve survived half a sem! =) 
like i keep saying, time really pass very fast. good.

may i use my recess week well. like hopefully be fruitful in mid-term crisis proj and 401. quite worried abt them. =/ 
also so much PR homework! and another thing worrying me. i just updated the student data sheet to submit for internship application right.
it says there BIG and CLEAR that my specialisation is Broadcast and Cinema Studies. =( sigh! i’m really worried it’ll affect my chance of getting an internship at a PR firm. I’ve kinda set my eyes on those top PR agencies like Weber Shandwick, Ogilvy and Hill &  Knowlton. ambitious i know.
but i’m sure 99% of PR students are looking at those also. and that brings us back to the point that i’m not even declared a PR student. =( 
maybe i should go check if i can change my so-called specialisation. i doubt i can though.  =(

i shld really work at getting back my regular sleeping pattern this week. the past week of trying was to no avail. bcos of all the deadlines!

YAY! holidays! more time for god, me, my family, my cellgroup and my friends!

kinda excited in the spirit for a number of things. the rest of 2009 is gonna be awesome! =D

well that aside,  this morning before i slept i was just reading the bible about King Hezekiah and how he cleared “rubbish” (yes NKJV used this word) and “debris” out of the temple of God. The entire 2 Chron 29 as well as King Hezekiah’s entire life till 2 Chron 32 got me thinking quite abit. really how true it is that in our bodies/lives which is the temple of the Holy Spirit also has “rubbish” and “debris” that we need to ensure we constantly clear out.
“Rubbish”: might just mean bad habits and seriously rubbishy things like sleeping at 3am or eating very unhealthily. these things are really rubbish bcos they mess up your body and make you end up with a life that stinks. “Debris”: this word is often used in association with hmmm earthquakes. like debris of building blah blah. dictionary.com defines it as “the remains of anything broken down or destroyed”. these might be: ur disappointments in a past failure, memories of a broken friendship etc etc. and we all know sometimes these things kinda hold us down and cause us not to be able to move forward. like you know if earthquake victims don’t clear up the debris, they’ll just stare at the broken pieces of their homes and stay there sulking over their loss but not move on to clear it and build a new home or move to another place.  

so take a read from 2 Chron 29 – 32. be a king Hezekiah, clear your “rubbish” and “debris” bcos no one else can clear it for you. 

with the taking out of the trash in my life, it is time for me to grow up and gear up.
Bcos greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done.

i was saying on facebook a few days back that many people are leaving/have left. now all of those people have left. melissa went back to US and won’t be back for a few years, glan went canada for exchange, jacq went UK to pursue fashion design and lastly avid went to taiwan in obedience of a calling. 

so in the not very distant past, i was a sweet innocent young girl studying in anglican high wearing my white uniform. through the years in AHS, a handful of people tried going after me, some with more success than others. haha. but there was this certain wong kiatuo that had a very different style. i don’t remember him giving me anything cliched or special like portraits of me (which some gave), wintermelon barley (and others did), or flowers or letters or wat not. he just was very honest, his entire class knows and he would just call me up and talk to me. 

he knows i’d nv fall for him (at that point) but we did become friends thru the AHS years. somehow, after AHS we stopped contacting, and during my jc years i went through this whole period of awkwardness with a bunch of ppl from sec sch, him inclusive. 

so that aside, by some miraculous turn of events, last year about a few days before xmas production, i took courage and went out for lunch with kiatuo alone at expo BK before xmas rehearsal. subsequently, thru a whirlpool of happenings, he came back to church and rededicated his life to Christ and now he is a total changed man. and since then, we just went back to being friends just like in AHS days but better. 

he is now an avid reader of my blog(s) and  i just became an avid reader of his 5 day old blog. 

fatness, 9 years is really quite a big deal yah.
you have the time of your life in taiwan k, and keep trusting in the One above. His has great plans for you! 
cheers to many more years of friendship. =)

farewell KT

its gonna be mid sem soon, meaning all the heavy, meaty work is coming in alrdy.
been doing pretty good with most of my readings, spare for one mod which most ppl aren’t that bothered abt.
been meeting my deadlines too. done pretty well for one of the mini assignments. looking fwd to doing well for the rest of the sem.
that’s abt all the updates i have for sch. ohh, i forgot to mention that i LOVE all the mods i’m taking this sem. in the sense that, i’m really learning things I WANT to learn and LOVE to do. so i always give thanks for managing to get all these mods. =) 

spent some time just now with nicolette planning this sunday’s BACK TO SCHOOL event. had quite a good time, i must say. heh. it’s gonna be our first event as LEI zone, so everybody’s pretty psyched up. i was looking at the video of the drama “trailer” we did for the event and just thinking about all these changes and i realised, as i was telling my pseudo sister, that I really love LEI zone despite having “emigrated” here only for about 1 year. not that i’m being boastful but i’m definitely being biased. while LEI zone has many young people, (i mean like i’m probably the 2nd oldest person in the zone), there is a strong atmosphere of possibilities. i like that. also alot of young, talented youths whose hearts are on fire for God.  it’s really a “let’s not despise our youth” spirit. wat more, our ZS, Leila Rita Tan, so young LEI. hehe. hao lian my leader abit hehe.  sooo, thank God and pastor for transferring me over a year back. =) 

oh, i bought a starbucks passport today! hee. feeling rather happy about that because it’s gonna help me save quite abit of money and give me a legit excuse to buy myself starbucks! heh. i’m truly a starbucks addict. it is very worth it esp for me because 99% of the time i drink CARAMEL MACCHIATO, which is an expresso drink and with my passport, i get a GRANDE sized one. so essentially i pay $29.90 for 6 drinks. so one drink works out to be abt $5. A grande Caramel Macchiato cost $6.50 off the menu, so i save $1.50 per drink!!! hee. but if you like FRAPPE. then not as worth it, cos for FRAPPE, you only get Tall size. so yay for me! 

on the same note, my er jie, lynn, reminded me that we’re approaching christmas, which is the time when starbucks brings in its Christmas offerings! for the past 2 years, one of the xmas drinks on the menu was TOFFEE NUT LATTE. during these months (which coincides with the exam period), i’d have at least one cup of that per study session. it’s a common favourite me and lynn share. we’re both looking forward to seeing it in the menu soon! *fingers crossed*

=D

since don’t know when i keep having headaches. never really had that problem for 21 years of my life then suddenly come.
and pimples too! okie not a major outbreak problem just one or two keep taking turns to appear on my otherwise clean face. =(

i get very confused about somethings.
if it is coincidence, i must say “WOW, we must have alot of chemistry to have such coincidence.”
if it isn’t coincidence, then i must say “WOW, how long is this roundabout way of communication gonna last?”

i’m a communication major for goodness sake.
why am i having problems communicating with people that matter?
God, show some light, pls. 

on a side note, loved Pst Tan’s msg. felt pretty encouraged to know that God puts me thru disappointments and other stuff to purge me of whatever impurities in my heart. i feel the pain man, but i’m not about to let go. like Pst Tan summed up, it is about holding on and trusting that Rom 8:28 will come thru.